i feel like this may have been a mistake
even thinking you could keep
my words in an electronic box, a mis-
take the pressure off (but it's mine)
then again, my heart is flowing, turbulent
(i fell out the boat the one time i went white-water
rafting, Yuck-again-EEE! was right)
turbulance, hands grasping at slick rubber would seek
dryer ground,- doesnt seem very untethered...does it?

The roads were slick today, of all days
a day that screamed "You never did and you never will
change." BMV letters informing of warrants
3 turns since a speeding ticket AND someone
(not naming names or anything)
someone forgot to renew their plates
...all these first world problems keeping
the paycheck at bay first world
drama....Im changing the subject

How do i let go of you, of your family?
my mom's family was pretty big on her fathers
side only they leaned into her mother's
parents cause he was from kinsman and wanted to be
a jefferson. he was the youngest of four
yeladeem, and by far the most successful
thanks to his move to the heights but
this girl too shoulda had cousins galore,

a family business (shmatta)
shoulda woulda coulda....is this jealousy?
ife would be different-my family is buried
right at the head of the jewish side of Lakeview
(dont even know the name)
crazy simmie berman lies for ever with her papa
(whose day of birth is my day of birth) and her mama
crazy simmie berman whose real mother died and her father?
her father beat her then sold her to a barren aunt and spouse.
$1000 dollars which brings little malka kaila to mind,
cause her mama really is her mama but her father
couldnt be a father so they paid to keep a doctor
tied to his pager...i sure wish i had been surrounded
yet even knowing this, i dont want to let go
(i think with you gone i am seeing myself
clearer, but i just can't seem to let go)

functioning
functioning in a large system
terrifying so many possibilities
um, for criticism and neglect
i am trying very hard to stay with myself
to let go of that tether but im not ready to let go
im sorry